random thought

2:22 am
(some random friday night)

2 weeks since we broke up, and the reality of this still bothers me...i have not cried my heart out and the reality comes in waves of instances that slaps me hard on the faces. random thoughts people blurt out that reminds me that yes, we are over. i take two steps forward, then two steps back...im back to where i started. what i needed was for him to say "stay" but he just let me go, let me walk out the door. i have started living my life alone, but somehow the memories nag me...it taunts me whenever i feel like i have finally let go. tears have proven useless. they have vanished...i feel...empty. i know that deep inside, part of me wants to cry out, to grieve over the death of the relationship, but part of me refuses to listen to that plea to cry and be weak.